In the Qur'an, marriage is portrayed not as a cold legal transaction but as a bond built on tranquillity, love, and mercy. To answer "How should we marry?", let us first look at what the Qur'an plainly states, and then mark separately what we infer from it (interpretation).
What does the Qur'an say?
First, the verse that sets the purpose of marriage:
وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
"Among His signs is that He created for you, from yourselves, spouses so that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed love and mercy between you. Surely there are lessons in this for a people who reflect." (30:21)
The dower (mahr) establishes the material foundation of the contract:
وَءَاتُوا۟ ٱلنِّسَآءَ صَدُقَـٰتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً ۚ فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَىْءٍ مِّنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيٓـًٔا مَّرِيٓـًٔا
"Give women their dowers willingly (and generously)! If they, of their own goodwill, remit a part of it to you, then enjoy it with pleasure!" (4:4)
فَمَا ٱسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْهُنَّ فَـَٔاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا تَرَٰضَيْتُم بِهِۦ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ٱلْفَرِيضَةِ
"...In return for the benefit you have from them, give them their fixed dowers as an obligation! There is no blame on you for what you mutually agree upon after the fixing of the dower..." (4:24)
Intention and chastity:
وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ ٱلَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّىٰ يُغْنِيَهُمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦ
"And let those who cannot find (the means for) marriage keep chaste until Allah enriches them from His bounty!..." (24:33)
The family's involvement in the process:
فَٱنكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَءَاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَـٰتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَـٰفِحَـٰتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَٰتِ أَخْدَانٍ
"...So marry them with the permission of their families, and give them their dowers in a fitting manner, they being chaste, not committing fornication, nor taking secret lovers!..." (4:25)
Another example reinforcing that the dower is part of the contract:
وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ أَن تَنكِحُوهُنَّ إِذَآ ءَاتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ
"...There is no blame on you for marrying them once you have given them their dowers..." (60:10)
Key words / roots
- ṣaduqāt / niḥla — In 4:4 the dower appears as "ṣaduqāt" (from a root meaning sincerity/truthfulness) and "niḥla" (a wholehearted, free gift). (interpretation:) The very language of the dower is one of sincere giving, not a price of exchange.
- ujūr / farīḍa — In 4:24 the dower is named with "ujūr" (a deserved due) and "farīḍa" (a fixed obligation); that is, it is not optional but a determined element of the contract.
- iḥṣān / muḥṣinīn — This root, recurring in 4:24-25, means "chaste, guarding one's honour"; the contract is an open bond distinct from fornication and from "taking secret lovers" (ittikhādh akhdān).
- bi-idhni ahlihinna — In 4:25 the phrase "with the permission of their families" appears.
What do we learn? (interpretation)
(The following are inferences from the verses, not the text itself.)
- The dower is the woman's right. 4:4 says "give" the dower directly to the woman; 4:24-25 treat it as a "farīḍa" (fixed obligation). (interpretation:) The dower establishes the material security of the contract in the woman's favour.
- The dower is not a "bride price." In the verses the dower is given to the woman herself. (interpretation:) A "bride price" paid to the family does not appear in the Qur'anic text; it is rooted in custom/tradition. This distinction is treated in detail in our "bride price" article; we do not repeat it here.
- The intention must be open and chaste. 4:24-25 set the condition of "being chaste, not fornicating, not taking secret lovers"; 24:33 advises remaining chaste if one lacks the means. (interpretation:) Marriage is not a hidden or temporary affair but an openly declared bond.
- The family is involved in the process. 4:25 contains the phrase "with the permission of their families." (interpretation:) The contract is not the isolated business of two individuals; it is a step acknowledged by one's community.
Different readings
The phrase "with the permission of their families (bi-idhni ahlihinna)" in 4:25 admits more than one reading:
- General-principle reading: Some commentators read this as a general principle that the family/guardian should be involved in the process of every marriage.
- Contextual reading: Other commentators hold that the verse's direct context (the specific group referred to as "fatayāt" within the law of that time) is limited, so the condition of "guardian's permission" cannot be generalised to every case.
(interpretation:) Both readings rest on the text; the Qur'an does not impose a single rite or procedure. Whether the guardian's role is a legal requirement or a customary convention is debated among the schools of jurisprudence.
An honest boundary
- Elements the Qur'an definitely establishes: giving the dower to the woman (4:4; 4:24-25; 60:10), chaste/open intention (4:24-25; 24:33), the family's involvement in the process (4:25, its context debated).
- Details not found in the Qur'anic text: the wording of the marriage formula, a specific ceremony, the number/procedure of witnesses, practices such as a "bride price." These are rooted in jurisprudence/custom and cannot be elevated above the Qur'anic text; they should be read historically and descriptively.
- Whom one should marry (the question of shared faith, People of the Book, polytheists, etc.) is a separate and sensitive matter, treated only briefly here. 60:10 is cited only as an example of the dower/contract element.
Conclusion: According to the Qur'an, marriage is a contract based on consent, with a dower, in chastity, and openly declared; the family is part of the process too. The Qur'an offers not a ceremony manual but a moral and legal framework: giving (the dower), being transparent (chastity), and building on love and mercy (30:21). The remaining formal details are left to cultures and to jurisprudence.
Related articles
Source: Qur'anic verses (M. Okuyan meal). Presented with a text/interpretation distinction; not a fiqh fatwa.